Sunday, December 27, 2009

Health Care Reform

I think the new government healthcare plan should include public access to the same hallucinogens Harry Reid and Chuck Schumer are taking.

Harry says that we will praise the new healthcare plan with "an earful of wonderment and happiness."

Schumer said,."I believe that the negativity that leader McConnell and others have continually displayed on the floor has peaked, and now, when people learn what's actually in the bill and all the good it does, it's going to become more and more popular."

So I guess that means "We passed it.   You're going to like it. "

I hear that Reid went on to say some other things, much less widely covered:

  • We're not going to have actual death panels;  more precisely, we'll have death committees which have much fewer participants than a whole inefficient "panel" would imply.  Also there will be some sort of funding for the necessary, mandated gas chambers and ovens.
  • The healthcare plan won't cost anything at all.  In fact, it will generate money.  Really!  And all that extra money will be used, in part, to produce a series of comic books based on Nancy Pelosi's "Government Man" hero;  some children will also receive toys that encourage politically-correct, non-competitive playtime activities.
  • Adults will also receive similar toys, and will be required to attend play-time with their children.  Work will no longer be necessary;  the government will handle it all.  And everyone will get delicious cake and cookies to eat every evening.
  • The Leprechauns will bring us, one by one, to the end of the rainbow, where we will each receive a pile of treasure from their magic chest.  We shall then take this money to the nearest IRS collections office, where it may (must) be donated (surrendered) to the government, which knows what really should be done with it.  After all, we printed it in the first place, so it's ours anyway.
  • It will rain jellybeans and marshmallows in the spring, to the wonderment of all young and old.
  • Frosty the snowman will marry the the tooth fairy, and their children will be blessed by the Pope for reducing global warming, saving the entire planet from destruction.
  • The tomato-men will finally land on Jupiter's moon, Titan, where will will harvest dark matter for the giraffe people.
  • I, Harry Reid, will grow to twenty feet tall.  My might will be unchallenged.  My teeth will be so very white.   I will become the ruler of the entire universe, spreading joy and wonderment for all.  I'll be unstoppable!  Invincible!  Muahhhh-hah-hah-haaa!!
I could be mistaken on a few pf his points, but the general idea I think is still there.